Members of the Trans-Illuminati organisation have denied involvement in the recent surge in missing patients and crop circles at a Johannesburg Hospital. The movement, which is said to have roots in Transvestitism, Trance music and Trans Fatty acids is alleged to control everything from the hospital thermostat temperature to who gets chicken for dinner and who doesn’t . The Trans-Illuminati recently won a court bid to allow intersexed persons to legally marry their golden retrievers. "Transillumination is no picnic", drools Brother Applewhite. "We all have to make sacrifices."
Sister Masister realised something was amiss in her ward when she opened the stock cupboard to find that it had been restocked with pig’s blood. “It was most unusual”, says Masister. “Everyone knows that pig’s blood has been out of stock for ages.” Several patients who were sent for x-rays returned as skeletons. “Usually we just get the pictures of the bones, but this time we got the bones themselves. At least they’re less likely to get lost”, shrugs Masister not noticing an antelope carcass suspended from the ceiling. “Many of the patients in the book haven’t come back from the bathroom for a few days. We call them ‘out-liars’”, says Masister attaching a BP cuff to an indifferent humerus.
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